Divorces is tough, but a healthy breakup is possible. Although no one enters marriage with the intention of it ending, statistics show that more than 20 percent of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and by the 20-year mark, nearly half of marriages dissolve, as stated by the government’s National Survey of Family Growth from 2006-2010. Despite the emotional difficulty of separation and divorce, it is possible to have a positive and healthy end to a relationship.
Going through a divorce can impact one’s well-being, often resulting in feelings of depression, loneliness, isolation, self-esteem issues, and other forms of psychological distress. Children and adolescents may also face negative effects on their psychosocial adjustment due to parental divorce.
Child custody pertains to the responsibility for the care, protection, and supervision of a child. In the event of a divorce or separation, a court may conduct a child custody evaluation and grant custody to one or both parents.
Cooperation, communication and mediation
The end of a marriage is often accompanied by a surge of intense emotions, such as anger, grief, anxiety, and fear, which can catch you off guard. It’s normal to experience such feelings, but over time, their intensity will diminish. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, as research suggests that self-compassion can help you manage the daily struggles of divorce more effectively. Instead of seeing your divorce as a battle, consider using divorce mediation, which can be an excellent alternative to courtroom proceedings.
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A Tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marraige, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody Ever died of Divorce”
Jennifer Weiner
Trying to work out issues on your own can be frustrating and counterproductive, as the problems that led to your divorce are likely to resurface during negotiations. Studies show that mediation can improve emotional satisfaction, spousal relationships, and children’s needs. Although it may be the last thing you want to do, sitting down with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and communicating cooperatively can make the divorce process healthier for everyone involved.
Talking to a psychologist may also help you arrive at collaborative decisions with minimal conflict. When emotions are high, it can be challenging to remember essential details, so it’s best to jot down your points when you’re feeling calm. During your discussion with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse, use your notes as a guide, which can help you maintain a more level-headed and objective approach to communication. If in-person talks are still too difficult, consider handling some of the details via email.
When kids are involved
While divorce can be a distressing experience for children, studies show that they typically adjust well within two years following the divorce. In contrast, children often face more difficulties when parents remain in high-conflict marriages. During a divorce, parents can help ease their child’s transition by minimizing any conflict between themselves, as ongoing parental conflict increases the risk of psychological and social problems for children. It’s often beneficial for divorcing parents to work together and develop a plan to present to their children, and to keep the lines of communication open.
Children benefit from honest conversations about the changes that their family is going through. Sudden changes can be hard on children, so if appropriate, it’s helpful to give them a few weeks’ notice before moving to a new home or before one spouse moves out. Minimizing changes as much as possible in the months and years following a divorce can also be beneficial. Children fare better when they maintain close contact with both parents, and research indicates that children who have a poor relationship with one or both parents may have a harder time dealing with family upheaval. Parent education programs that focus on improving the relationship between parents and their children have been shown to help children cope better in the aftermath of divorce.
Divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience for both parties involved. However, with the right approach and mindset, it is possible to make the split as smooth as possible. Here are six strategies for achieving a healthy divorce:
1. Communication and cooperation:
One of the most important factors in achieving a healthy divorce is effective communication and cooperation. This involves being open and honest with each other about your needs and concerns, and working together to find solutions that work for both parties. By avoiding conflicts and arguments, you can minimize the emotional toll of divorce and focus on the practical aspects of the process.
2. Seek professional support:
Divorce can be a complex and challenging process, and seeking professional support can help make the process smoother. Consider consulting a divorce attorney, mediator, or therapist who can provide guidance and support throughout the process. These professionals can also provide valuable insights into legal, financial, and emotional issues related to divorce.
3. Focus on the big picture:
It can be easy to get caught up in the emotions and details of divorce, but it’s important to focus on the big picture. This means considering the long-term consequences of your decisions and actions, and working towards solutions that benefit both parties and any children involved. By focusing on the big picture, you can avoid getting bogged down in minor issues and conflicts.
4. Take care of yourself:
Divorce can be a stressful and emotional experience, and it’s important to prioritize self-care during this time. This can involve seeking support from friends and family, practicing stress-reducing techniques such as exercise or meditation, and taking time to do things you enjoy. By taking care of yourself, you can maintain your emotional and mental wellbeing throughout the divorce process.
5. Put children first:
If children are involved in the divorce, it’s important to prioritize their needs and well-being. This involves working together with your ex-spouse to create a co-parenting plan that works for both parties and puts the children’s needs first. This can involve scheduling regular visitations, maintaining open communication, and working together to make major decisions related to the children’s upbringing.
6. Practice forgiveness and acceptance:
Divorce can be a painful and emotional experience, and it’s important to practice forgiveness and acceptance towards yourself and your ex-spouse. This means letting go of resentments and grudges, and focusing on moving forward with a positive and accepting mindset. By practicing forgiveness and acceptance, you can avoid getting stuck in negative emotions and focus on building a positive future for yourself.
How psychologists can help
Divorce is a difficult time for the entire family. Divorcing spouses and their children can benefit from speaking to a psychologist to help them deal with their emotions and adjust to the changes. Psychologists can also help you think carefully about what went wrong in your marriage so you can avoid repeating any negative patterns in your next relationship.
Lastly, divorce can be a difficult and emotional process, but with the right mindset and approach, it is possible to achieve a healthy divorce. By prioritizing communication, seeking professional support, focusing on the big picture, taking care of yourself, putting children first, and practicing forgiveness and acceptance, you can make the split as smooth as possible and move forward with a positive outlook on life. Remember, divorce is not the end of your journey, but rather a new chapter in your life story.
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