STEP BY STEP GUIDANCE FOR LEAVING A VERBAL ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Verbal abuse thrives on power imbalances within relationships. In parent-child dynamics, this imbalance is inherent due to the child’s dependency on the parent, who not only controls their immediate environment but also influences their interpretation of it.

In adult relationships, whether romantic or not, power can stem from financial resources, material assets, or varying levels of emotional investment. Verbal abuse becomes a tool for maintaining dominance over the other person. By undermining the target’s self-worth and fostering dependency, the abuser tightens their control.

Leaving A Relationship Can Be Very Difficult

While we may perceive ourselves as daring and adventurous, the truth is that humans tend to be cautious and prefer familiarity over the unfamiliar, even if the familiar situation brings unhappiness. This inclination is root in our aversion to loss, which has been recognized and acknowledged by psychologist Daniel Kahneman, who was awarded a Nobel Prize in Economics for this observation. Overcoming the impulse to remain in a dissatisfying situation can be challenging, but it is certainly achievable, particularly if you take note of the following guidelines.

Six Techniques for Breaking the Cycle of Verbal Abuse in a Relationship

Put an End to the Normalization and Rationalization of Abuse

Children often normalize verbal abuse, assuming that it occurs universally in every household. It is only when they encounter environments where words are not used as weapons that they begin to recognize the difference.

However, if the parent is abusive, the child’s desire for parental love and support outweighs this recognition. The child may attempt to find solace by believing that the abusive words were not meant or, more distressingly, that they are truly unworthy or unlovable.

Verbal abuse from parents often instills messages that persist into adulthood, making individuals more susceptible to accepting verbal abuse as normal. In adult relationships, the target of abuse may make excuses for the abuser or blame themselves, clinging to the hope that the abuser will change and become kind and loving. Unfortunately, the cyclical nature of verbal abuse perpetuates this cycle.

Understanding of the Patterns and Cycles of Verbal Abuse

If verbal abuse occurred constantly, there would be no space for the target to deny or hold onto hope, and the abuser is aware of this. Lenore Walker’s analysis of physical abuse reveals a three-part pattern that bears similarities to verbal abuse.

It begins with a phase of escalating tension, where the abuser initiates criticism and verbal attacks. In physical abuse, this is follow by a violent incident, which is not as explicit in verbal abuse, though it can manifest as intense arguments. Lastly, there is the honeymoon phase, which holds particular significance. During this phase, the abuser displays affection, care, and may apologize, promising to change. This charade reinforces the target’s initial attraction and strengthens their denial and hopefulness, believing that things will improve.

Recognizing this cycle helps disrupt thought patterns that keep individuals trapped, as discussed further ahead.

Challenge and Address Automatic or Fallacious Thinking Patterns Head-on.

Decades ago, B.F. Skinner discovered a phenomenon called intermittent reinforcement, applicable to both rats and humans. Hungry rats were placed in cages with levers that deliver no food, constant food, or food at unpredictable intervals. The rodents addicted to the “occasional” levers.. Humans exhibit similar behavior. If we receive nothing from our partner, we leave. If we consistently receive what we need, we stay. However, if we receive what we want intermittently, we are incline to stay, hoping for more. This intermittent reinforcement gives the honeymoon phase a powerful grip.

Additionally, there’s the sunk-cost fallacy. When considering change, we often focus on the cost of leaving rather than the potential benefits of change. We think, “If I end this relationship, I will have wasted time, emotions, and energy.” However, these investments are already gone, making it a fallacy to let them dictate our decision-making.

Recognize the Personal Impact of Verbal Abuse.

Redirect your attention from the abuser’s actions to your own coping mechanisms. Engage in a thorough self-reflection, examining the impact on your identity and your capacity for independent thinking. By honestly evaluating the erosion caused by the ongoing onslaught, it becomes increasingly challenging to normalize, rationalize, and become entangled in the allure of honeymoon periods.

Experience and Acknowledge Your Emotions Fully.

Suppressing emotions like anger and pain is necessary for denial and hopefulness, but allowing yourself to feel outrage about how you’re being treated is crucial for taking action. You may be taken aback by the range and intensity of emotions you experience. Even in a verbally abusive relationship, a profound sense of loss may coexist with feelings of shame for staying and enduring the abuse. To navigate this step effectively, seeking the guidance of a skilled therapist is highly recommended.

Envision an alternative future for yourself

Silence the self-doubting inner voice that suggests the future won’t bring any improvement or that circumstances could worsen. It’s important to acknowledge that you have the power to change only yourself, not others. Embrace the possibility of change and a better life. If necessary, reach out for support from trusted individuals who can provide guidance and assistance on your journey. Remember, you are capable of shaping your own path towards a happier and healthier future.

Your Comments is a motivation for us!

Have a Great Day!

Cheers!